Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock

September 13

More observations from the MacMarines front - or - dellusional data from the dipshit files. In spite of reports clogging the Apple tech BBS's as well as iMacintouch that the iMac has a hell of a lot of shakedown to go through before it can be called a reliable purchase, the MacMarines are more wont to delve into conspiracy theorys everytime an iMac goes from working status to six foot under status. This time, they are wasting hot air for the Mac-Fan from BusinessWeek Online that had his computer fail, chalking up the entire report as "suspicious" and not plausible from a "true mac fan". In this case, I'd say the latter of the two observations might be correct - since a true Mac Fan (otherwise known as "complete and utter sucker") will still probably cuddle his long-defunct purchase well into the sick wee hours of the night muttering "it should work" until the booby hatch wagon arrives. The rest of us just might be a little less jaded, and get a tad pissed off, on the self-conversion of the iMac from 1500 dollar-plus computer to 1500 dollar-plus paperweight. The funny thing is, with the current wave of reports that counter the MacMarines' charge that Apple can do no wrong, it's easy to extrapolate that perhaps by the end of the year, everyone else will be wrong on their opinions of Apple and the iMac - except them. When that happens, you'll have my vote to have the MacMarines commited to the nearest loony bin.

September 14
Cnet's Gamecenter.com had some interresting observations about the iMac recently. Apart from the usual disbeleif that they would hobble the design with non-expandability or a floppy drive, there was one interresting note and series of tests that compared this "faster G3" computer to the likes of the Pentiums and the usual configs for serious gamers out there. They discovered that Apple is - yet again - full of shit. They tested various resolutions and framerates for Quake and other high bandwith games, and discovered them only comparable to your basic P166, or less. This also came in stark contrast to other Macs that of course could use higher-end (instead of bargin basement) 3D graphics cards which might have given them a little parity. The real honker though was that the games that were bundled with the iMac from Apple, were practically unplayable throwing out a paltry 15 frames a second - or less - giving the gamer the impression of retro computing ala Max Headroom jerkyness on a throwback videophone from AT&T circa 1987. Why Apple would commit itself to showcasing the least of it's capabilities by bundling in a game that is otherwise unplayable is beyond me. Suffice it to say, I've known for years that the Mac didn't quite cut the mustard with any gamers out there - not merely because of a lack of titles available - but for a lack of horsepower available. It harkens back to the days of the Quadra 040 series which was "supposed" to offer parity with the Intel 486. Well, they didn't. The game of the day, in 1992, was Castle Wolfenstein 3D, which was the preamble to the blockbuster Doom series. On a 486 in fullscreen mode it was a total destroyer of productivity for myself if it was anywhere near my workdesk. It finally came out for the Mac in late 1994, and was slow as a dog. The publisher recommended using a PowerMac just to keep up with the 486 version which kind of put the 040 vs 486 arguement right to bed after watching the choppy frame rate inside a teeny window. Suffice it to say that the iMac is once again leading the charge putting the speed claims of Apple computer into the dirt shirt pajamas once again - only this time Apple is supplying the shovel themselves.

September 15

Quark gives up it's bid to "take-over" Adobe as reported in the local Denver paper - the Rocky Mountain News. I went with the local media instead of the Mac or Cnet media because the Denver press picked up on some soundbites from Fred - half of the Fred and Tim show - who is almost never wont to expose himself to the general public. Amidst weepy tears of "Adobe wouldn't return our calls" and Quark's disinterrest in attempting a hostile takeover (which would otherwise put Quark out of business) it's just another example of a software concern stuck out in the sticks trying to act big and tough - and get themselves in way over their head. Apart from the pervious notes on the absolute disaster of a PR exercise around the time of the Seybold convention, it's interresting to observe the repeated use of the phrase "takeover bid". Now get this - here's how valid Quark's takeover "bid" was. Quark sends a couple of faxes - unsolicited and stalker style - to Adobe saying "were going to buy you out". Then Bob Monzel, the PR shill for Quark releases this crap to the press and the online community. Then a mere week later they recind the deal after Adobe refuses to return their phone calls and only produces to Quark a brief PR rebuttle that Adobe hasn't heard word-one about the terms of such an offer - or how in the hell Quark is going to even find backing for such nonsense. This would be akin to me, mgabrys, faxing GM telling and them that "I'm taking actions to aquire GM and all of it's operations, for an undisclosed sum or financial backing", send a copy of my faxes to the media in time to cause a round of laughter at an autoshow, then recind my offer after crying in my beer that "GM never returned my phone calls". All I have to ask is - THIS IS A FUCKING TAKEOVER BID? This has to be either the lamest excuse in a backfiring PR exercise from Quark - possibly suggested by Apple who has been getting the short-shift from Adobe - or the worst example of the phrase "takeover bid" to ever be mangled by the media and Quark's PR shill Bob Monzel. I'm not saying that Denver's altitude is disagreeable with everyone who moves up here - but suffice it to say that a few sea-level dwellers at Quark must be on a low oxygen diet for their brains to come up with a campeign - so lame and pompous - that it only beats by a narrow margin the status-quo conduct of Apple and it's fanatics.

September 16

Couple of interresting techie newbites making their rounds on the web. First Motorolla announces on their own site that they are suspending development of the "copper chip" that Steve Jobs has been going apshit bonkers over due to lack of demand. I guess 4% marketshare or less just can't cut the mustard with the cost of chip R&D and fabrication - or pehaps Motorolla is still pissed at the billion dollar loss they sustained killing the clone line. You think? In other reality-killing-the-reality-distortion-field news, the G3 notebooks are still pretty much nowhere to be found for what little vendors Apple has left according to iMacintouch and MacWeek.com (formerly MacWeek on paper - special thanks to Mac the Knife btw, I got the mug!) and their readers which report that after waiting for months for one model to actually arrive, cancellations are pilling up while die-hards are STILL waiting for newer models to get on the shelves or even satisfy advance orders. Two months and counting by the latest reports in fact. The best soundbite was the quote from one buyer "the supply situation is worse than ever". This is the kind of stuff that got Gill Amelio killed, and now it's "worse than ever"? Cripes! There's also sour-grapes Apple user charges being leveled that while the low-end is keeping it's supply head above water - the high end users (otherwise known as the users that are keeping Apple alive in publishing and video), are being allienated. Of course, I have no doubt that the MacMarines won't believe a word of this because in-spite of reports coming from their own kindred, it still runs afoul of what Steve Jobs has told them is their reality - which is that the G3 laptops are available and can be purchased. Suffice it to say then when Steve Jobs puts his take on reality into the public eye - you'd have better luck forcasting manufacturing and supply lines with the psychic friends network.

September 17

The San Jose Mercury News (God I love them) reports more on the Korean iMac clone that will include such luxuries as a floppy drive and expansion ports and still have a nice all in one design that will retail for less than half the cost of the iMac heralding a new price war in the low-end PC market. Equity analyst Ashok Kumar puts his two - cents in on this 499 dollar wunderkind with the quote "space age look and more software availability, that is way cheaper. What more can you ask for?". This would probably explain why the MacMarines and the MacEvangelist is going absolutely GAGA in trying to discredit this sweet puppy in yet another hypocritically reality-bending misinformation campeign - that flies in the face of their own crocodile tears - of accusing everyone else in the media of doing the same against Apple Computer. Personally, I don't think anyone in the general public will give a shit - because there's going to be more places to find a Wintel clone for sale, and the price is going to make it move. The fact that it would come from a Korean manufacturing concern that was burned by Apple in the cancellation of the clone markets is only just deserts in my book. I'll be waiting to see how these puppies help burry Apple - and who knows. Perhaps the sales will spark not only a price war in features and design for the budget minded PC set, but it could very-well give the Asians that product that could otherwise get them out of their high-tech sales doldrums while getting more people connected to the internet. Something that Apple could never even attempt for themselves given their stubborness to give the Wintel crowd (IE most of the computing public) an excuse to consider the Apple brand. I still maintain that Apple is going to have to consider making Wintel boxes the same way that Sun, SGI, and every other maker has been doing - to maintain any relevance in the computing world. The fact that it takes the Koreans to do the same thing as the iMac with so little effort just gives you an idea of how misplaced Apple's isolationist strategy truly is.

September 18

iMacintouch reports more defects in the long parade of problems inherent with the overzelous launch date of the iMac from Apple which can be squarely blamed with the Chinese fire-drill proceedures of ramping up new manufacturing, new parts, and substandard testing. Suffice it to say that the recent failure reports are spreading like crazy across all lines - not just the USB driver and modem fronts. Now the damn picture tubes and their video driver boards are going out. This was the same problem hinted by the BusinessWeek fiasco - but now the userbase is complaining of the same thing. One lucky user was able to dismantle the iMac, remove the board, restart, plug the board back in, and get underway. I wonder how long it would take for an 8 year old to do this? Think they'll pack-in a video tape created by Chiat-Day to explain the proceedure? Well it's not just the display, or the USB, or the modem - the keyboards are failing as well. The highest rate reported according to retailers in fact. This also isn't a big surprise because when Apple last tried to release a new keyboard design, they failed spectacularly. In this instance in 1992 it was the ergonomic keyboard that could split into 2 halves. You don't see those around much do you? It's because if they didn't fail after a few keystrokes - they fell apart within a year on average. I got one with my Quadra 800 in 1993, and after returning it twice went back to the default Apple design. Fast forward to 1998, and bingo! The new iMac keyboard designs are failing too. Dull surprise. If doing things like typing on your computer or seeing anything on the screen aren't important to your computing experience - then don't worry about that CD drive either. Customers are complaining that the iMac eject hole - the one with the paper clip - isn't a mechanical slot that can be used to get a CD out of a dead iMac. It's in fact a button that needs power. These observations came in after users tried to eject after powering down a CDrom, and found out that afterwards when they powered the iMac back up, they'd trashed their drive. Of course this is a user-problem, not Apple's, but perhaps a little more documentation would have kept this little "feature" from being discovered. Of course that would also defeat the argument that the iMac is both simple and perfect - and worse - run afoul of Steve Jobs' ego. Don't expect the situation to improve until he's off the project folks, the iMac needs fixing badly. It just going to be a matter of getting the CEO from micromanaging the computer into the ground like he did with the Lisa (initially), the Mac 128/512, the NeXTcube, the NeXTstation, the NeXTdimension, the color NeXTstation......

September 19

Here's a small report from iMacintouch - the new leader in news from the user disaster files in my bookmarks - the retailers are getting the shaft again, what little retailers Apple has left. Well, in spite of recinding contracts and restricting the remaining retailers until their scrotums are the size of a chick-pea, Apple is now telling them that if they want to carry iMacs they'd better not be sending the broken ones back to Apple. I'm not kidding folks. According to a compUSA worker, they're only able to send 1% of the previous quarter's Apple sales equivelent back to Apple in terms of broken iMacs. If more iMacs break and are returned by the customers - they have to chuck them into the nearest dumpster if they've already used up their return allowance. To make matters worse, there's more pressure to just chuck them anyway, because Apple's going to charge each store 400 bucks if they get back an iMac that might be marginally fixable. With threats like that from the supplier - I suspect that most retailers would rather take the one-time writeoff and just throw the damn thing away. This will probably be a bonus for techie minded dumpster divers out there - free iMacs - if you can get them working again! The iMac having that easy-to-use handle will help out bigtime when they're carried out to the trash. For the rest of you out there - I can say by November, you should have no trouble finding an iMac behind CompUSA to turn into a MacQuarium - or an ample supply of shotgun fodder for those who enjoy the pastime of "plinking" in firearm-based recreation.