Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock

August 23

iMacs according to MSNBC and Apple's own tech BBS are not getting along well with the internet in an odd - but by no means atypical - Apple screwup. It seems that amongst the software lacking within the "superior" MacOS, is any decent PPP software. This isn't news, since almost every ISP has to bend over backwards to get the Mac clients to get with the program anyway. What is interresting is that even though the PPP client that used to be bundled with the OS was sucky - it's now not even there. Between that and modem connect failures, one wonders why they even bother to tout it as a premiere device to get on the internet in the first place. Don't ask me, I just cover Apple's progress into oblivion - I don't make the decisions that make up one of the lamest examples of fucked up logic ever to come out of the king state of fuck ups, California.

August 24
You know aside from the lack of basic software to even talk to the internet as well as a modem and driver set that put the iMac squarely into the special olympics for it's internet functionality - or at least the pussyweight catagory - you have to wonder. What the fuck is Apple thinking? I mean the whole reason they're giving the real-world a miss as far as PPP software and a compatable modem/driver config is because the only test the iMac has is it's loathsome "earthlink" bullshit. Now someone explain this to me. Microsoft has been getting flack for putting it's MSN software on it's machines as well as catering to certain content "channels" for it's active pull-content nonsense. But the fuckwits at Apple can jerk the penis of every iMac buyer to insure that it's hard as fucking hell to get on with an ISP with balls, or isn't their concern in the slightest. Call me crazy, but gee - all of my Windows 95 software has had zero problems with any ISP I throw at it, and the same goes for the modem drivers. So how is the iMac more advanced? Hell if I know - it probably goes into the same catagory of the 3 times faster Chiat-Day bullshit that is such an outright lie - that even minor real-world app tests leaves the iMac in the geezer zone by even the Celeron processors. This shit just get's funnier and funnier!

August 25

Also in the "what the fuck are they smoking files" Quark - the nuttiest of the fruits in the Apple developer camp are now beating their nipples raw and are touting that they're going to take over Adobe. Good fucking luck Quark! Besides posturing yourself in the lamest show of tail feathers to get good "rumor" mongering shit flowing at Sebold, Quark's now offically the biggest laughing stock in casual converstation. Lets take a quick lookie at history shall we? When was the last time - odds on favor with the investment community - has a pussy-revenue one of those that's the playtoy of prarie pissant egomaniacs ever eaten a near-billion dollar a year publicly traded company? Times up people - because it's rare to "if ever". Now I'm not saying that they "couldn't" pull such a wet-dream off, but I'd have to say that it goes into the same catagory as the last bet that I beat the shit out of someone on. The election of 1992. Back then, a republican moron who worshiped Rush Limbaugh as the reigning Christ figure in his life (who later fucked up his marriage, got rejected by the CIA for membership and is now working for a nuclear power plant - ala Homer Simpson - DOH!). This particular rube bet money that Bush would win - when it wasn't but only once that a president got re-elected during a recession on his tenure since the mid 1800's. The exception was Ike, and trust me Bush wasn't fucking close to Ike caliber. This time around, we find the same odds at work. It could happen - but I wouldn't bet on a horse being jockied by a leader of the local gay contingent, and a towelhead running the show at Adobe. Somehow, I just can't see it. But it's all there in public disclosure at Quark's miserable pithy excuse for a corporate website.

August 26

Shortly after Quark unleashed it's bogus excuse for a corporate ego play on behalf of wonderment for the Applepussies who still think XPress is "kewl", Adobe responded that they're full of shit - offically. According to them - quote - "Adobe has received no bondifide offer from Quark", in terms of amount for buyout offer or anything else that would give such bullshit credence. In other words - fuck off Quark and get a clue, love Adobe. Afterwards - by no giant leep in creativity or credibility - Quark released it's "earnings" in a piece of fluffy shit from the desk of Bob (where did my ethics go that I would be stuck doing PR for an outfit like Quark) Monzel. Now this is ironic because if you check out the "report", in the press release section - you'll find dick for real information. That's because Quark - as I mentioned earlier - is a PRIVATE COMPANY. They will NEVER release their earnings because amongst other unknown reasons - they DON'T FUCKING HAVE TO. If you're publically traded, you bet your sweet ass that you're going to disclose earnings data to the SEC and the investment community. It's this difference that has allowed the hollow coward types running the show at Quark to go pussy-ballistic at Adobe and "kick them when they're down" according to at least 2 investment firms. But that wasn't enough dumbshit logic to prevent their little private Jihad from pumping the hype engines like a hard-on in heat to the public that they made 25ish more percentwise than the same time last year. That would mean something if you knew what they made last year - but it's means dick since they didn't tell anybody - and the press can jerk off and speculate all they want. I in fact DO know how much they made last year, not only because I was working with the fucks until recently, but because Fred - always the ever careful - shot off his mouth publically to the Wyoming Chamber of Commerce in a news conference, which was then picked up by the local media concerns here in Denver and freaked out the spin-doctors at Quark bigtime. Now given the third-rate site governed by the CCC - I seriously doubt that data is still there - it was a realaudio stream of Fred's chat following the relocation of Quark's shipping and customer service concerns up north. However, if you do some sifting through the Rocky Mountain News back issues to early 1997, you should find what you're looking for - and then you'll know why everyone in Denver is laughing their ass off at the current scenario unfolding in this grab-ass of a "power play". Please note, I didn't disclose anything that hasn't already been in the popular press, I don't have time for Quark's NDA shit amongst other things. Fuck them if they think otherwise.

August 27

Corel is running an online popularity contest for a worthless wordprocessor - WordPerfect - in terms of it's future on the Mac OS. All I have to say is, who the fuck cares? Wordperfect has been a joke since the mormons in Orem couldn't do shit with it, TWICE! First WordPerfect corp fumbled the ball, and then Novel sacked it when they lost their ass like every other Utah based computer enterprise out there. Why do you think Sen. Hatch is such a whinney pussy fuck with Microsoft? He's trying to cover his ass since his consituents don't have shit for clout with the computer industry since the 80s. Good riddance if you ask me, but talk about a sore looser! Well, the last of the nearly worthless code became part of Corel's productivity apps, and like every other app publisher out there - they are loosing their shirt supporting a pussyweight also-ran like Apple. So now, to help get the last of the userbase of Macs interrested in their shit, they are wearing their heart on their sleeves for a round of sympathy. Of course, the "who cares" factor comes into play since Corel can and will do what they need to do to stay alive and will drop the Mac in an instant when it suits them. Right now it's just a PR dodge for the Apple fans left. The rest of the planet doesn't give a fuck naturally since there's no question of support from Corel for Wintel at the present - go fig.

August 28

According to AckLeak, formerly known as MacWeek, they too are openly concerned how a pissant enterprise wanna-be like Quark can hope to do dick with Adobe. They put out estimates that Quark is one/fourth the size of Adobe in revenue. I'm not going to confirm or deny those estimates - you can check it out with the public sources already previously mentioned - but it's fun to note that I'm not the only member of the online press that think's Quark is out to fucking lunch. But if you think that's rich - get a load of the responses to this news. If it's not outright laughter, it's terror that a bunch of greedheads could otherwise muddy the product waters from Adobe. At least that's the general tone on the various ZDnet feedback areas, as well as Quark's own sucky BBS called "sofa threads" in the "lounge" section. Take a look and see for yourself. Is this shit amusing? I can't answer right now because my ribs are hurting too much at the moment.

August 29

Just to take one more dump on Quark's head in light of all this complete and utter posturing bullshit, also according to the magazine formerly known as MacWeek - Quark's Tim Gill went on the public record that they would selloff the "Quark killer" project known as K2 as well as the PageMaker software line. Well call the DOJ and call them monopoly! This doesn't come as any surprise since they're already in Steve Jobs' pants to such a degree that none of this comes as a shock. But it does make me openly wonder if perhaps Adobe DID have something up their sleeve with the K2 project - something I thought was also bullshit since Adobe hasn't invented product one since Adobe Illustrator. Everything else was aquired from someone else and tweaked on. FrameMaker, Photoshop, you name it. The only reason they even have Adobe Illustrator in the first place is because it was the toolbench that Adobe used to build their font libraries back in the 80's. Of course, compare that to Quark's efforts to expand with products purchased elsewhere. Hows that mTropolis sitting with you multimedia CDrom art phags out there? Like the update? Suffice it to say that if Adobe was ready to release K2 as a real product that could compete with Quark, you bet your ass that Quark would be staining shorts up and down Grant street. Perhaps with Gill's disclosure of it's flights of fancy I can at least determine what the stench was coming from the hills of upper downtown Denver.