Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock

March 7

Don't forget, it's another split week as the sister site has been beaten into shape, so don't miss out on Week 85 already in progress. I'm trying for this not to become a habit - truely I am.

It's Quark bashing time! In fact, there's so much news on the subject that there's now not only enough material to fill up a week around here - but enough to launch a full-blown website somewhere else! Ah yes but here's where I formally introduce The Queer and the Iranian website! Ta DA! Before we dig into the news this week, lemmie in on why I'm going to devote another 2 hours of the week to another weekly site. First - this site - believe it or not, has become WAY easy to write. I don't know if it's the news on Apple's demise that's been increasing or the fact that the fine and helpful folk at the BBBS have provided more news leads and opinions. Either way this site is pretty much on autopilot, with less effort expended than ever before. So what to do with all the free time that I've set aside every week exercising my fingers? Start another site devoted to another subject that I know too much about, and one that's too much fun not to abuse the snot out of. Now, this company - and their software - are kind of below the radar. In fact they're so damn stealthy, that between the unmarked buildings in Denver, and the general avoidance of anything resembling the press - people around these parts just say "Who" at the very mention of them. Well, here's the skinny. Quark Inc., is a publisher of DTP software that has attempted to branch out into other directions - with abysmal results. The upshot is that they're - STILL a DTP software company. Now before you yawn, there's more! It's main competitor is (natch) Adobe software - maker of fine products like Photoshop, Illustrator, PageMaker, and (new!) - InDesign: dubbed the "QuarkKiller". Ah! Now we're getting somewhere! A battle of titans with a looser already warming up in the batters box. Yes, Quark is in trouble, and I'm going to follow their journey into the ground with another gossip site. But wait! There's STILL more! Did I mention Quark is as bizzare as Apple? In fact - between the Queer and the Iranian, there's so much pompacity, audacity, and general fun - that it's small wonder that Quark's main user base uses MacOS predominently. From attempted buyouts of publically traded companies 10 times their size - to Silicon Valley wanna-be infantile politics, it's all a rip-snortin' barn-burner of a kamakazi trip. So let's welcome Quark to the ranks of the Doomsday Clock's pages this week - and remind you that two sites following two dying companies are better than one!

March 8
Mac the Knife first broke the news that something wierd was going on in Denver - specifically at 1800 Grant - where both Stately Queer Mannor and Quark hold their fingers around the clutches of many hapless Colorado based tech-workers, deprived of sun, fun and the good life. It seems that something was shown off at Seybold on the Knife's watch, and it wasn't pretty for Quark. Let's watch - as we let our Knife speak - I'm in itallics as usual:
It's halftime at the big show, and the Knife's gin-'n'-tonic-flavored plastic mouthpiece has been chewed to the consistency of warm hominy grits. Small wonder: Not since the governor of Minnesota put Hubert Humphrey III into traction has the Knife seen such a painful public tussle as the battle royale for DTP mindshare between snarling newcomer Adobe InDesign and doughty veteran QuarkXPress. InDesign, as I hinted earlier, is a new layout program that could otherwise liberate QuarkXPress users with Quark-native file support - and even identical keyboard shortcuts! Whatever the final outcome of this particularly gory grudge match, some denizens of Quark are apparently already feeling the burn. According to the Knife's personal retinue of prescription-happy sports physicians, the Denver company has experienced a wave of departures as more power and responsibility return to the outstretched hands of Quark co-founders Fred Ebrahimi The Iranian and Tim Gill The Queer. This was pretty spot on reporting - but it's small wonder since this round of layoffs reportedly was so sloppy, the fire-ees couldn't keep their hands off the fax machine This week's departures allegedly included the company's chief financial and operating officers, and further exits are expected to winnow the ranks of senior staff, product teams and the deservedly legendary Quark support representatives. The C.O.O part is particularly fun. That guy didn't even last a year. At least I was able to hang around for 2. The product teams are also an interresting area of attention beause at that very same Seybold conference, Quark announced no less than 4 pie-in-the-sky excuses for vaporware to combat all the news Adobe had about InDesign. Methinks that without a crew- this ship is gonna sink! Finally, Ebrahimi has apparently mandated the imminent dissolution of Quark Marketing Inc., a Quark subsidiary formed a scant three months ago to market the company's client-server technology.This isn't all that shocking either considering that Mirum - another division formed by Quark - died of vapor-lock shortly after IT was founded. If you haven't figured it out yet - Quark is just a TAD indecisive.
The upshot is that when the news is bad, and it includes employees that have the ear of a certain computer columnist at ZDnet/MacWeek, it's not going to be days before words get's out - it's more like minutes. Of course the fact that there are a few transplants from Quark sitting those same journalistic offices wouldn't have anything to do with it. Oh no!

March 9

Mac the Knife in his piece also refered to the brain drain in general as opposed to merely the C.O.O yesterday. Well I gotta-tell-ya, you don't know the half of it. The main reason some of these divisonal efforts seem to start - and then stop - is "possibly" because the people starting the new "divisions" are people on the 8th floor that are attempting a personal life-boat drill to try to avoid the largest software related crash in Denver Colorado. In an attempt to salavage life and limb, they've gone begging on the board of directors some hot new idea to create a new "paradigm" or excuse to get the fuck out of the same offices. At least that's what I'm left to presume, after watching the person who signed my own acceptance letter shunt himself off 2 blocks down from 1800 Grant to start Mirum which actually was around long enough to get a little PR fluff peice in the Rocky Mountain News ala Bob Monzel - the PR shill of the office (the only PR shill in the office in fact). Well it must have been a wierd scene indeed when Mirum collapsed and that project leader Wayne Yamamoto, found himself having to move his stapler back to the home office, because that's what he did less than 2 months later. Suffice it to say Bob was pretty much mum on the whole mess, with only a passing fart of a mention, nearly a year later. Seeing the marketing "division" was a joke since Quark hadn't had it's shit together in marketing for the lifetime of the company! Seen any ads for QuarkXPress lately? Seen any magazines devoted to it? - There used to be some you know...there was one called X-Ray which was founded by an ex-Quarkian - but it's dead. There used to be a newsletter mailed to customers called "XPressions". Guess what? Doornail status. In fact, while it's hard not to pick up a copy of a Design, DTP, or normal computer magazine and not spot an Adobe advert, Quark has been running on covert activities for far too long to actually start anything resembling a marketing program. So what happens 3 months after some new senior management ally themselves with such a farce of an effort? Those same bozos are now looking for their rip-cords. Predictable? Sad? Pathetic like Apple? Ooo! You betcha!

March 10

The Quark week continues with the news from Seybold - and the prime evidence that Quark is grabbing at straws in a cheesy attempt at F.U.D, to de-rail honest efforts of DTP companies that have their shit together. This one comes from - you guessed it - MacWeek.com via Matthew Rothenberg. And again - I'm in itallics:

One day after Adobe Systems Inc. unveiled InDesign, - Quark Inc. Chairman and Chief Technical Officer Tim Gill took the stage Wednesday morning at Seybold Seminars Boston/Publishing 99 to present his company's response. We're fucked! "One thing we're committed to is maintaining QuarkXPress as the premiere page layout tool, period," Gill told the subdued crowd. Subdued because all the applause was used up earlier on Adobe's presentation - that's according to reports I've heard from the show floor recently Gill also said Quark is committed to developing for both Mac and Windows platforms Just like QuarkImmedia eh? - ever seen a Wintel copy of THAT? and briefly mentioned some of the new enhancements in store for XPress 5.0. Otherwise known as the bug free version of 4.0 While he declined to specify pricing or availability You know what they say - if you have to ask the price....., Gill said the new version will take a "Swiss army knife" approach that includes "all the feature you come to expect from Microsoft Office, but with a little more elegance." With none of the added power of a real upgrade Gill said Quark will also focus on vertical publishing markets. How you get more vertical than "publishing markets"? And I thought DTP itself was niche! He offered attendees a preview of print packaging software code-named Wrapture. Ah! Code names - try to keep up with them all - because HERE COMES THE BULLSHIT! Quark will also tackle direct marketing and cataloging tasks with a product currently code-named Cypress normally people would use DTP software to make direct marketing - and people would keep track of their own cataloging tasks in spreadsheets - there's an niche automation push for-ya!. In addition, Gill announced software code-named Mirum that will help catalog merchandisers optimize the content of catalogs. You could just make a better layout package that could do this - but let's not get crazy ok? Next, Gill introduced Troika Gettin' all this?, the code name for a three-part package for repurposing content and deploying it dynamically I don't know what the fuck he's talking about either. You're basically in trouble when you start thowing around words like "dynamically". I use the word "dynamic" when I'm being polite and actually mean - "random and full of shit". During the question-and-answer session after the keynote speech, an audience member drew applause FINALLY - applause! I wonder what they're excited about! Is it a new feature? did Quark do something right? Well....not exactly when he asked "Is Quark going to change its attitude toward customers and the press?" - "Customer service is the thing we've probably done worst," Gill admitted. While he asserted that Quark has taken steps to improve the situation and urged users to try the company again, he acknowledged that "it takes a long time to get over those things." No shit. It's taken them 10 years plus, and they've still been getting over those things

Suffice it to say, it's more than a tad - sad, when the only applause you get on stage at a niche software expo like Seybold is a crowd pissed off at your tech support efforts. But what do you expect from a rambling - lingo/buzzword heavy - smoke and mirrors show. Still, how about that Mirum? Didn't that sound familiar?

March 11

As if you couldn't guess from the applause - Quark's not exactly a great loved enterprise. In fact, unlike Apple and their Jihad, you're not going to find many people who DON'T have something pissy to say about Quark - particularly it's userbase. The upshot being that out of all the hatemail this site gets from the MacJihad - I think the e-mailbox is going to be pretty quiet this week. This is pretty sad to consider when all it would take for Quark's userbase to dry up, is an excuse to go elsewhere. Fact is, with InDesign from Adobe being able to handle Quark files, as well as use the same keyboard shortcuts, training and legacy file management should be a breeze. So far the only pundits who have been defending Quark at it's own cheesy BBS's have been the people wondering if it can print well. Well seeing how Adobe invented Postscript - this is a pretty pissant concern. What it means for Quark is that while they've taken a beating for Apple's slide into oblivion - Quark's heading that way much faster because a majority of it's userbase has had it up to "here" with QuarkXPress, and would gladly move onto something better. It's been so bad - bloodwise - between Quark the company and the QuarkXPress users, that they've even attempted to use PageMaker with mixed success. Now that Adobe has something serious to compete with - you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out why I'm watching this story with the usual fan-fare given to the great Apple saga - or why it now has it's own website.

March 12

Looking back at the litany of codenames belched out onto the unenthusiastic members of the Seybold audience I have to take time-out again and wonder what the hell Tim Gill was thinking? I mean it's one thing to get busy, create a decent product, unveil it and then receive accolades for your efforts. This in fact is what Adobe has done with InDesign - and hat's off to them. Now Adobe can make a shitload of money and live happily ever after. If you're in a race to compete with Adobe, what should YOU do? Hunker down - improve your product - get new ideas from the user base and impliment them - and show it off as a comparrison? Fuck NO! You get on stage and crow on about stuff you're "going" to do, that you think your customers should "want", with a company that hasn't improved on what they have for years. Did I loose you there? So did Quark loose me when they got on stage and decided to turn a product show-down into a fantasy sport. Well punt this one on for size. Quark isn't just making an ass of itself, it's - as we've seen - incapable of running a division of itself - let alone bring a product to market that would otherwise take any attention away from QuarkXPress. They spent the last 3 years trying to do just that with QuarkImmedia - a software title that was supposed to "revolutionize the internet". Never heard of it? Some revolution huh? And these are the guys spouting code-names for projects that are going to take the place of previous flop-fests, enough to merit onstage time creating a presance away from Adobe? Now you know why I'm stunned enough to harp on about the whole mess.

March 13

Well between a user base out for blood and abandonment, and the bizzare egostical displays of gruff-and-tough "we can innovate too" action from the senior staff there's going to be plenty to talk about when it comes to an esoteric hole-in the wall company that is devoted to desktop publishing. But I'd be remiss if I didn't mention another reason why "The Queer and the Iranian", exists. Like Steve Jobs' efforts, there's some close-to-home material out there. You don't have to go to my resume site to see that I've got some time logged with Quark as well as NeXTian endevours (Alembic Systems if you were wondering). Although it's easy to dismiss the whole effort as a gruge-site, it's really a bigger cop-out than that. It's fucking easy. Again - these aren't commerical sites (what advertiser would want to sign up with these sites I have no idea - nor do want to guess) so they have to keep me amused for virtue of being a playground devoted to writing practice. Between the massive volume of news, the people that I know who can fill me in on "the real story", and general knowledge (that has to fit the guidelines of NDA until September of this year), it's a no-brainer to hunker down and have fun with. It's even more fun to do it to a company that is a control freak when it comes to the school of micromanagement. If that's petty revenge or spite - well fuck-it - I'm guilty as hell. It's still way fun and I'm paying the ISP bills. If you'd like to have more fun though, I'd be REALLY remiss if I didn't point out that there's a club for people who have any background in DTP, Quark products, or have worked for the company of the hour. It's the Queer and Iranaian BBS! Now you can join a registered, members-only group and spout off what you know, or what you want to tell about Quark Inc. Whether it's that pricey upgrade that doesn't work worth shit, or the fact they handed you your hat and coat and then asked if you'd like to give up your vacation and sick pay for a whole new position in the company (instead of a transfer that would preserve said benefits), or if you just want to bitch about the current state of electronic publishing in general, then point your browser to the aforementioned club. I'll keep a light on for ya. For the rest of you, the ADC will get back to it's regularly scheduled rants and news about Apple - since after all there's now a site devoted to rants and news about Quark instead of them cropping up here from time to time. Thank you for this little indulgence.