Two boobs that taste great together.

March 7

All hell's breaking loose at Quark. After more than 3 years of trying to be a company that is less dependent on QuarkXPress, creating project after project, division after division - the cowtown software provider is still sitting at square one. According to MacWeek.com which broke it's story via The Denver Post there was yet - another - shake-up of senior staff, and various sundry departments. Shake-ups are nothing new for Quark - because hell - this only represents the fourth re-org for the last 2 years alone. What makes this one scary is that the previous ones have been mere reshuffling of personel and the occasional group apocalypse. This latest one, takes the form of nuking celebrated executive staff members. People like: former COO Chuck Bland, former marketing director Bob Farquhar, and ex-vice president of sales and marketing Kurt Dressel. This is big league stuff - because all three were all-stars - each given their own braggard PR fluff pieces that are still available for viewing at Quark's PR internet pages. How could something that merited corporate PR shill Bob Monzel's attention and hype be utterly laid to waste before even a full year had passed on the tenure clock? Whatever it was - it was fucking big for a pissant prarie pup of a software enterprise, that - less than 3 months ago - commited 100 million dollars to a bonafide marketing effort. That effort was to attempt to bring Quark's shakey reputation, as a serious asshole in the eyes of the publishing industry, out of the proverbial gutter. Make no bones about it - Quark isn't exactly on anyone's love-list unlike the MacJihad that can't tolerate negative word one about their corporate mistresses. Quark practically invented the phrase, "love hate" due to their wildly sporadic technical support, bizzare order processing, and off-the-wall upgrade practices. The likes of which have been fodder on Quark's various chat areas, as well as the popular computer press. Tim Gill himself has gone on record claiming at Seybold question and answer sessions that: "Customer service is the thing we've probably done worst," Gill admitted. "it takes a long time to get over those things." Indeed. It's been 10 years plus, of the same littany of complaints have surfaced publically about Quark - which Tim has had to offer his services as an apologist for. Suffice it to say that the reason that the New York Times has been printing hot ink, claiming Adobe has a "Quark Killer" on it's hands, isn't because it makes for catchy bylines. It's because any product that can be both as robust and as versitile as QuarkXPress - while being able to import and export QuarkXPress files - can finally provide the migration excuse that so many QuarkXPress users have been looking for as their backlog of existing files sinks them deeper and deeper into - what can best be described as - an "end-user hostage situation". The fact is, Adobe, and their new product InDesign, might actually free the user-base up to abandon what has been considered an expanding pain in the ass. This has the people at 1800 Grant scared shitless. But as Quark hs attempted to put a happier and more customer-friendly face on it's hack endevours, through all the now-dead marketing programs, Quark has been more succesful in shooting down those same endevours by sending out bizzare signals about "hostile takeover bids" for Adobe, oddball upgrade programs, and an always secretive litany of projects that never seem to go anywhere. In the end, it's an uphill battle of a PR mission. It's small wonder that Tim and Fred decided to save the 100 million dollars and stay the course - because at this point - the idea of Quark attempting to reverse popular perceptions about it's products and it's corporate focus, is akin to raising the Titanic.

March 8
There's all sorts of between the line action in the MacWeek report to comment on - which is why most (if not all) of this week is pretty much going to be devoted to it. Because while some of it is pretty face-value oriented, there's tons of indicators that something much more serious is at hand when you stake your claim to having worked inside the poker-face that is Quark. Two lines that beg to be read-between, are those devoted to the restructuring and new product lines that Quark is - again - poised to offer. And boy are there a lot of product lines being drawn. At MacWeek.com's coverage of Quark's PR song and dance at Seybold, there's no less than 4 whole new product directions, that aren't due to be even released for another year at the latest. Now I'm not calling Quark a Microsoft-wanna be, but forget vaporware folks - we're talking full-blown FUD. This is the kind of crap that otherwise is passed off for "innovation". Something Quark's main rival Adobe has by the bucket-full. With Quark sitting in transition mode between lenghty product upgrades - for a single sellable product (XPress) - Quark is seriously left out in the cold when juggernauts like Adobe come knocking with products like InDesign. The solution - make up bullshit like you've never made up bullshit before! Create a slew of catchy code-names like "Cypress", "Troika", "Wrapture", and most humorous and ironic - "Mirum". The last one get's the booby prize because it represents a failed smoke and mirrors push involving 300 million dollars that was headed up by Wayne Yamamoto. Besides being worthy of a segue by me, it represented a one month flash-in-the-pan headed up by the bozo who signed my own damn confirmation letter when I was hired into the nut-farm. But digressions aside, you have to openly wonder. How is a company - that has publically commited nearly half a billion dollars worth of enterprise funds into bombshell projects like QuarkImmedia, QuarkDMS, Mirum, failed "marketing divisons", and other sundry flops - supposed to make a load of hot-gasses masquarading as "verticle market solutions" - sound like anything serious. Particularly when the other guy - Adobe - is demonstrating solutions ready to obliterate someone in the middle of a grab-ass magic show. Don't ask me - I just worked there.

March 9

A lot of the press that leaped onto the story about Quark's latest reshuffling efforts have all complained that Quark was being tight-lipped on the subject. You might think this is a non-event in the anals of corporate spin-doctoring, but the reason that it's curious (to me at least), is that if anything - I'd be out on the front lines ASAP clearing up rumors, misconceptions, and anything that could otherwise malign my credibility - and more important - impact the bottem line. Call me crazy - but anyone who represents a significant marketshare of software devoted to desktop publishing - for so many businesses - should have some kind of response ready when people come knocking on your door. The reason this isn't the case is two-fold. One - there's only one shill acting as the corporate mouthpiece. It's no big NDA breaker that Bob Monzell is that mouthpiece because just about every article out there is bitching that he hasn't returned anyone's phone calls. Why is this? What do they have to hide? It's almost comical to think that a reshuffling and reorg, even one involving the dirty word "layoffs", would be an afront like some innocent pube caught mastrubating with the door to the bathroom unlocked. But red-faced they are, and I suspect nothing is going to be said for the second reason. Number two - no one will say anything about the company until it passes the muster of the people at the top. Usually you'd think someone hired for PR would have the gumption and experience to put something together that would otherwise be clean and safe enough to put out on the street. Fact is, Tim and Fred pretty much have to have the last say on anything - particularly since there's no marketing people left, and no shareholders to answer to (Quark being a private firm and all). In corporate speak - it's called "an environment condusive to micromanaging". Well if Tim and Fred are similar to a microscope, then they've been burning employees like an ant-hill under seige. The upshot is, I seriously doubt there's anyone with any balls that could otherwise defuse a small corporate incident that requires a minumim of public speaking ability. Another reference for such a quandry of gutless personel being, "a boatload of pussies". Well the cats out of the bag - and I suspect that it's going to be quite a long time - if ever - before we hear a response to all the reports that are floating around out there on the latest re-organization. After all - whose got the balls at Quark to do something as simple as talk to the public? Just the thought of such a scenario must have inflated the expense rosters devoted to "the dry cleaning of undergarments".

March 10

Looking over the news from MacWeek.com one has to wonder openly who are they concerned about at Quark? Certainly it's not the customers, when reports of the layoffs cater to: MacWEEK sources said the layoffs included staffers from Quark's purchasing, training and client-services operations. Certainly none of these would be critical to those pulling the strings, nor would they impact the coding groups - because after all - in a market like Denver, programmers are a much sought-after commodity. No it's customers that will be feeling the brunt of it one is left to assume. From the people who support the orders being taken on upgrades, to the people who are responsible that people in client-services actually have a clue as to what they're talking about. The last one is particularly interresting because client-service ops were as etherial as they came. Either it's a reference to the support of the QPS customers, or it's a reshuffling of the teams that were devoted to database style projects that were the domain of QuarkDMS, or more likely - anyone who can otherwise decipher those new phantom products that were all the rage at Seybold. If the latter of the two is the case, I wonder how they're going to endure with just mirrors - and no smoke?

March 11

The Denver Post article was vacant in it's linkage of layoffs to the shakeup in it's summary of the latest too-do. Naturally such dirty words were the patronage of the Rocky Mountian News and MacWeek.com which was able to determine that there was in fact a body count to accompany the shuffling of corses in the county morgue. Another curio to ponder though. Why would a massive memo - directed at all the employees present on the payroll - keep the big "L" such a secret? It's certainly can't be for morale, because there's nothing more insidious than a rumor mill grinding away on the survivors - which are left to speculate "are they next"? Quite frankly, it's virtually obvious, that the employees are the last to hear about such things - let alone the media. Why else would it be tempting for some poor boob to inform the media in the first place? When I was downsized one summer from a supermarket chain that collapsed, I didn't think to go running off to "channel 7". Due to the previously mentioned "micromangement", it's hard to pin-down which of the two heads on this corporate Hydra is responsible for the Nixon/Kissenger politico. My guess is the one that holds reign over the programmer-pool because there's nothing like an announcement of a water leekage to cause the rats to flee the ship. In this case, I'm not sure that's a decent approach to the problem. Like many companys in Denver, the amount of "brain drain" has been massive just like anywhere else. It's part speculation - but mostly common knowledge if one is to consider the full-page ads that have gone into the Wall Street Journal, or even the regional recruitment ads that advertise job fairs on campus and the like. The upshot from such sundry glances, is that all you have to do is open the paper to realize that Quark - like most high-tech companies - is pretty much the playground of the young and stupid. Those that begin to think too long about their benefits and salaries, can thumb through any local rag - and discover that there's many companies that have been around longer - and have an older base of employees that showcase the amount of respect management has provided to them. This isn't the case in Silicon Valley and certainly not at Apple which has seen it's ranks pop more pimples than open 401K plans. Quark has been associated with Apple for so long that it's small wonder that the average age of the workforce is barely old enough to shave. Those that actually do pick up a razor are usually only a few years from walking out the door - and most people that I noticed after leaving Quark myself were following in my footsteps - layoffs or no. NDA or not (not) - it's a legitamate claim of mine that it's pretty hard to find the three people who hired me just a scant 2.5 years ago for an employment reference. Even with the transitory nature of the advertising world - I've been able to locate 3 people who worked with me at TBWA Chiat-Day or other offices nearly 5 years ago. What's wrong with this picture? Why would it be so hard at Quark? It's certainly confounded the HR people that I've talked to since trying to find those references. I also suspect that it's a source of confusion for the people working for Quark today.

March 12

Q&I sources this week indicate that the whole memo fiasco that led to the sundry news leaks caught the executives at the 8th floor of 1800 Grant off guard quite a bit. Seems that one of the workers that got sacked, still had access to his e-mail account and was able to print it out - and fax it to the local media concerns - or the Denver Post in this case. Sloppy, sloppy going HR! The fact that he got to a fax machine in the building astounds me. Suffice it to say that if you've ever tried to call Quark, or even walk around the buildling - you'd note it was a pretty tight ship. You can see the cameras all over the place on the street, and the fact there's no sign on the building - has caused people to enter the doors looking for ATM machines. Interresting that Adobe has the moxy to put their name on their offices - what does Quark fear? Their own customers perhaps? Well, looks like the building at 1800 Grant, got it's cameras pointing the wrong way, when one of it's own could waltz on down to the nearest fax and pipe out a mess that makes raw sewage look like perfume. In all actuality, I'm sure the remaining workers are glad that the story got out. Last time there was a reshuffle - one of the driftwood landed on the shores of 5280 - a magazine about Denver located here in the Mile-High City. His proported tip-off caught the ear of the Denver Post back then too - according to the actual reporter in full-length trench-coat that was hanging around the smoking area. Don't worry if the ash-cans from the street isn't a tip-off, I'm sure other people could watch from the street and figure out where Quarkians smoke - no NDA breaking here! I mean talk about cloak and dagger stuff - here we had a multi-million dollar software publsher with hundreds of employees so unable to communicate with the general public like some Helen Keller look-alike that the local media actually have to present "on the scene" reporters to go sniffing around the smoking area for body bags! Now I'm not saying Bob Monzel is derelict in his duities or anything - but tell me this isn't how to run a PR railroad! At least this time around I'm sure the leak satisfied the media enough that there won't be any nosey snoops running around the building. Although, I'll ask anyone at the Denver Press Club if they've bummed a smoke from a Quarkian next time I'm having lunch there.

March 13

Given the way word travels around a company that is unable to speak to the general public - let alone it's own staff - it's small wonder that the trail on what that nutter of a company is up too is pretty damn bizzare. My favorite non-secret is that most of the ex-Quarkians have landed jobs in the media due to their high-level of knowledge about QuarkXPress - which of course - is sold mostly to publishing concerns. Irony or not, it's fun to say hello openly to people like - J.W. who is now hanging around MacWorld magazine. MacWorld and MacWeek both have pretty much run the gammut for pissing off Fred and Tim - mostly Fred. The reason for all the hush-hush crap is that Fred is a recluse - REALLY a recluse. I mean it's the proverbial meaning of the word "contrast" to have the head of a company devoted to making tools for communication and publishing enterprises so tight and hairy lipped, but tight and hairy lipped Quark is. Fred has so many spite campeigns going on with the media that even if I could break NDA - I wouldn't be able to recount them all. Let's just say that I'm enjoying my "MacWeek the Knife" coffee mug - and I've seen plenty of them lying around. All you have to do is check out the Knife's archives to see that there's been a long running war of words between the publication that is bascially the only weekly that gives a damn about a niche-DTP provider and the rest of the planet. It could be because Quark's marketshare is pretty much limited to those that read MacWeek, or it could be due to the fact that Quark fears the limelight like a Vampire in Bermuda. I'm voting for both.